I write this in the name of democracy, equality and human rights. I write in the name of freedom of expression. I write against oppression and injustice.
This is a call to arms! To all left-handed arms.
Yes, I am talking about left-handed people. For too long we have been shunned, ignored, maligned and misrepresented by the over-bearing “Rightys” who take all our jobs and the best places at dinner tables. For years we have been condemned to lower academic grades because Big Right Brother makes us write from left to right, thus smudging our brilliant essays and making examiners unable to read our answers. Even the only fighter for left-handed freedom – Apple – has now stopped making 1-button mice, clearly having been coerced into doing so by the Republicans (they are extremely “Right” you know).
I say enough! It’s time to take action!
I write this today having been roused to action by an ardent activist – Dwardu – who, poor chap, has not only been oppressed by being left-handed, but has had to endure the misfortune, all his life, of being tall. So, here’s the first step to take in the fight for left-handed freedom.
Not just any beer. Left-handed beer. Like this one http://www.lefthandbrewing.com/. Next time you’re out with your friends, innocently “offer” to buy a round of drinks and secretly order left-handed beer. (You can pee in it if you want but that’s optional.) Then give your friends their drinks and watch them struggle and spill beer all over the place. They will be totally humiliated and look silly. Muhahahahaha.
Vive la Resistance!